I had the opportunity to share my thoughts about who I think I am today and what I believe in front of an audience.
My intent was to share my well-rehearsed mantra and tell my personal story–a story of acting “as-if” in regards to my personal perception that I am not of value. However, when I arose to speak I found myself sharing what I felt spontaneously–abandoning my notes. During the ten or so minutes of speaking, I felt I had value. I felt I was of a good heart. I felt I was on the path to healing, not simply acting “as-if,” without saying any of this out loud.
I felt my own mantra and was able to convey these feelings of self value to my audience without using my pre-thought words.
After the speech I pondered what had happened and again felt the feeling that I was of value. I knew for the first discernible moment I am a spiritual being having an earthly experience. I felt my big, black hole inside illuminated and not all that dark. I did not feel like a “phony”, to quote Holden Caulfield in “The Catcher in the Rye.” I did not feel like I was unworthy and therefore unable to be walking the talk on this path.
I felt I was able to truly live my mantra, and that my mantra was more now than the meanings of the words on the page to me.
©tales0397
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Fairytale Poetry 